What were these idiot producers, directors and movie studios thinking?!?
Obviously these movies would have been much more successful, rather than the worthless bombs we know them to be, if only John Goodman had been cast!!!
1. Home Alone
The Wet Bandits would never stand a chance!!
2. Star Wars Franchise
Oh you’ve never heard of Star Wars? That’s because of horrible casting. Make John Goodman Jabba The Hutt, and we would all be living in a much better world!
3. Pee Wee’s Big Adventure
4. Pretty Woman
Ooh look at that sexy bitch!!!! That dirty whore is moving on up!
“Uh hi everyone. Anyone seen my remote control? I hope I didn’t eat it again.”
Fuck the CG. Goodman on his hands and feet doing all his own work, wearing a shitty cat costume, being an overall dick and eating everyone’s lasagna. Would have been classic!!
7. Charlotte’s Web
Why stop at cats? Charlotte is perfect for Dan! It is a natural progression from Arachnophobia, plus then he gets to make all his food demands in web form!
8. Napoleon Dynamite
He’ll make all of your wildest dreams come true. And he has so many skills!
9. Weekend at Bernie’s
This is just pure genius. No-brainer. Bernie fuckin’ Goodman… Would have turned a 2 movie franchise into a franchise with more films than James Bond. And just picture any 2 schmucks trying to lift a dead Goodman… fat chance. Literally.
Who wouldn’t love to see this graceful hero flying around the city, kissing dames in distress upside down (hopefully his belly fat doesn’t cover his face…)? Plus, it would end the Goodman spider trilogy with Arachnophobia and Charlotte’s Web!
So what have we learned???
LISTEN UP HOLLYWOOD!!
Citizen McGee will show you how to do this, son!!!