Goodman Rolls!! [These Film Roles Should Have Gone To John “Donkey Dick” Goodman!!!]

What were these idiot producers, directors and movie studios thinking?!?

Obviously these movies would have been much more successful, rather than the worthless bombs we know them to be, if only John Goodman had been cast!!!

1. Home Alone

Goodman Home Alone

The Wet Bandits would never stand a chance!!

2. Star Wars Franchise

Goodman The Hutt

Oh you’ve never heard of Star Wars? That’s because of horrible casting.  Make John Goodman Jabba The Hutt, and we would all be living in a much better world!

 

3. Pee Wee’s Big Adventure

Pee Wee Goodman  (1)

My BIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIKE!!!!!!!

 

4. Pretty Woman

Goodman Pretty Woman [GOODPrettyWoMAN]

Ooh look at that sexy bitch!!!! That dirty whore is moving on up!

 

5. Ghostbusters

Ghostbusters Goodman

“Uh hi everyone. Anyone seen my remote control?  I hope I didn’t eat it again.”

 

6. Garfield

GarfGoodman

Fuck the CG. Goodman on his hands and feet doing all his own work, wearing a shitty cat costume, being an overall dick and eating everyone’s lasagna. Would have been classic!!

 

7. Charlotte’s Web

Charolotte's Web Goodman

Why stop at cats? Charlotte is perfect for Dan! It is a natural progression from Arachnophobia, plus then he gets to make all his food demands in web form!

 

8. Napoleon Dynamite

Goodman Dynamite

He’ll make all of your wildest dreams come true.  And he has so many skills!

 

9. Weekend at Bernie’s

Weekend at Bernie's Goodman

This is just pure genius. No-brainer. Bernie fuckin’ Goodman… Would have turned a 2 movie franchise into a franchise with more films than James Bond. And just picture any 2 schmucks trying to lift a dead Goodman… fat chance. Literally.

 

10. Spiderman

Goodman Spiderman [GOODspiderMAN]

Who wouldn’t love to see this graceful hero flying around the city, kissing dames in distress upside down (hopefully his belly fat doesn’t cover his face…)? Plus, it would end the Goodman spider trilogy with Arachnophobia and Charlotte’s Web!

 

So what have we learned???

LISTEN UP HOLLYWOOD!!

Citizen McGee will show you how to do this, son!!!

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