Citizen McGee’s Bucket List…

McGee is back!!!

It’s been a long time… Big-tittied Asians sure speak the troof when they say they love you long time! I’ve been out of commish for over a month!

Almost long enough to learn her name! 

Oh.

Anyway, like 4.3 seconds ago my superior intellect instantaneously thought up some new retarded shit I should do before I die.  Because I’m a nice guy, I figured I would go ahead and share this new information with all of you (Actually, I just figured that if you are reading this, you are probably a few dingleberries short of a Khloe Kardashian yourself, and thus may want to partake in some or all of these most bodacious festivities I have devised…).

Add these to the McGee Bucket List, bitches!

1) Speak exclusively in Pig Latin for an entire year, with the exception of speaking Latin to all pigs, including the police and Rosie O’Donnell.


2) Buy a covered wagon.  Take wagon across the country – Oregon Trail style.  

Get dysentery!

3) Market a special pants pocket divider that is ergonomically (I don’t know what that word means) designed to allow for users to store both a cell phone and raw eggs in the same pocket, without aforementioned phone being damaged in the unfortunate circumstance should said raw eggs break unexpectedly (e.g. When your pants are relatively tight and you break out into a swift jog or mini sprint…). I will call this handy device the EGG shCELL.

4) Meet John Goodman, and shake the hand he prefers to masturbate with…


5) Meet Jennifer Aniston… And punch her square in the nuts!


6) Invent the world’s first Regenerating Refrigerator to create a never-ending supply of my favorite food… Ketchup.

7) Take a shit in someone’s car, and dress it up to look like a midget black man.


8  Find the “Most Interesting Man in the World” and teabag him.

9) Find Osama Bin Laden’s body, stuff it, and set it outside on my lawn in scarecrow fashion…


10) Acquire all footage of Adolf Hitler EVER and alter his voice to sound like Mickey Mouse with a touch of T-Pain at appropriate moments…

11) Get hit by a moving car… or Serena Williams… Become crippled… Join the Crips!


12) Purchase storage room in Fort Knox, and store it solely with Lucky Charms’ marshmallows…

And on the outside of my magically delicious vault…

Prominently display only this sign written in different colored crayons: 

“STaY aWAy FrOM mE LuCKy ChARmS U LitTlE BaSTaRDs!!!!”


13) Invent the world’s second Regenerating Refrigerator to create a never-ending supply of my favorite condiment… Mustard.  Then charge hundreds of dollars for admittance to my weekly refrigerator boxing wars between “Ketchy” and “Mussy.”

[If you’re first thought upon reading this is “How can McGee’s favorite food be Ketchup but his favorite condiment be Mustard?!?!?” you need to get a fucking cat scan my friend.] 

14) Become Minister…

Drug 2 hated former LA Dodgers, Orel Hershiser and Steve Sax…
 
Officially make them marry each other…
 
Refer to Orel with his new full name…

Orel Sax
 
Fondle a couple of kids (Joking FBI…  I have learned my lesson!)
 
Rescind Ministry!!!

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2 Responses to Citizen McGee’s Bucket List…

  1. Walter says:

    I already have dysentery. One down, 13 to go!

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