Worst Sports Teams… Literally!

By now, you have undoubtedly read ourBest Sports Teams… Literallypost.  Due to popular demand (thanks Mom!), I have decided to put together a list of the worst sports teams… LITERALLY! 

Just like the first match-up, these literal franchises will meet on the football field.  May the shittiest team win (lose)!

Here are the lackluster teams in no particular order:


Scary shit, eh? Picture a team consisting of Red and White “Sox” (Can’t even spell it right?!?), Blue Jackets (should just call them the Cold Crips…), and Knickerbockers (Jesus tap dancing Christ! The word in and of itself sucks balls, regardless of the ridiculousness it refers to! Worst team name ever!!!!). 

Talk about a team that is as soft as cotton… Literally!

These are the only pieces of clothing that would be worthwhile:



Nets would seem to be almost as bad as clothing, but at least a butterfly net could catch a pass.  

And kill bitch ass baby dolphins… 




This team may actually be better than you would think!  Who the fuck would want to tackle this soulless creature:

They already have a franchise QB too:


Jesus, how the fuck is a team of tranquil-ass lakes going to compete in a game of football? 


This group doesn’t include the kick-ass birds such as the Eagles, Falcons, or any pet bird that John Goodman may own.  This team consists of Seahawks, Cardinals, and Orioles, amongst others. 

While this team’s best offensive scheme may be dropping shit on the opposing team’s heads, they will at least have two athlete on their squad:


The Brooklyn Dodgers were originally named after kids that used to dodge trolleys.  It doesn’t get much more retarded than that!  The literal Dodgers may have some mean jukes on the football field, but dodging mother fuckers is not the best defensive strategy.



This could be an all time low for a literal sports franchise.  Leafs?  Really?!  Not even Leaves?!  Most leaves crumble and die without any contact.  A caterpillar will fuck a leaf up on a bad day! 

There is a reason this piece-of-shit leaf is centered on the Canadian flag.


Just see the picture above.  I really do not have to waste any more of our time on this one, do I?


 Isn’t this a little fucking racist? People are always bitching about the Redskins, Indians and Braves… A team full of Mexican dads?!?!?


You should be ashamed of yourselves, San Diego!!!


I have no clue what kind of nuggets this team would be, but chicken nuggets would be pretty awesome! 


Not just a horse… But a FEMALE horse! 

What the fuck were they thinking when they named this team? 

Sorry I couldn’t find a picture of an actual horse… I had to use a pic of Sarah Jessica Parker instead…


The only kind of people who are softer than the Canadians are the French.  This team will surely be made up of French-Canadians!  I think even some maple leafs or sox will look “hella hard” compared to these bastards!


OK, there you have it.  Please vote below for which teams you think are the worst… Literally (you can choose up to 4 teams)


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One Response to Worst Sports Teams… Literally!

  1. Pingback: Best Sports Teams… Literally | Citizen McGee

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